This letter was written in response to an article in the NY times: (with no harm meant to anyone in particular)
Dear Editor,
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to an Indian male, good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Indian female's attitudes about our relationship.
My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Indian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Indian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we white women are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Indian men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.
The Response:
Dear Editor,
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men.
I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Indian men date white women.
Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.
Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Indian males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Indian men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.
I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Indian men date white women. Non-Whites like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestn! ut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed.
Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Indian women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!
It is because of the Indian women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.
BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.
No offense taken, none given.
Signed,
Indian Royal
2 comments:
knock knock...
Hi Indian Royal and Disgusted White Girl,
Both of you are too superficial in your comments. You can make such comments when we talk about your husband, brother, wife neighbour, mother etc. But never make superficial comments about broader categories like Indian, White.
Disgusted White Girl comments: “I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public”. I suppose you are talking about Indian women who happen to see you with Indian men. That is some what correct. The cultural shock is the main reason. Indian and European culture treats differently the relationship between men and women especially physical relationship. Women’s body is now commercialized with attire, consumes, industry and adult and porn business. Men have started comparing women’s body so commonly. Instead of comparing women as a person her appearance and attitude is compared as a sexual object.
Historically Europe had a strong Victorian Era during which sex is considered a sin. Europe broke that era and entered into modern era in which progress of birth control and economic freedom created Women of new age. You can find it in History until roughly fifties of last century. You can see many instances. The French revolution and modern social forces gave big impetus to European women. But the success of capitalist fetishism ruined the power and prospects of women in Europe. Rather than using the newly obtained privileges to consolidate the position in society and solve social problems more equitably they were degraded as sex objects. This is no better than Victorian women who were family objects. It is where American women stand - Women are still politically under represented. Wage imbalance with men still exists.
India has a different story. India never had any thing like Victorian era and taboo of sex. But Indian way of dividing everything for convenience (caste division one example) made more bad than good. In sexual matters Indian women are divided into divine devadasis (prostitute) and divine homely women. All pleasures possible between men and women (only prostitute) is compiled in written form (like kamasutra) and practised by Kings and others from the Elite. On the other hand the purpose of sex for homely women is reproduction. Their husbands approach them rarely and they were mostly engaged with pregnancy and child care. Even though Devadasis system is stopped, prostitution exists in much larger scale than in West. The homely women (the vast majority) are always fearful of their men (son, father, husband and brother) being taken by prostitutes. Therefore they abuse prostitutes physically and verbally when ever possible.
Few decades back West came across the works like Kamasutra and translated to Europe languages. Those Indian tricks and practices reached Western home between husband and wife or between true lovers. When this reached India through western films, porn and internet many educated women in India started thinking of western women as what their grand-grand mothers thought of devadasis especially due to the contemporary consumer and sex fetishism of western world. While the Indian Elite men – you westerners come across with the off springs of the Elite of India- maintain same approach towards sex and try to utilize above mentioned western scenario exactly the way their fore fathers used the devadasis system. In their mind they are feudal but conceal that to the post-feudal western women just for sexual pleasure.
The Royal Indian response is mostly stupid. The term “royal” reminds me of feudal era.
His approach is historically wrong. In fact India has a rich tradition of recognising the role of sexual pleasure and Europe has the practise of recognising the role of sex between husband and wife as a bond and as a pleasure between them. These two traditions have to club with few omissions of some which are written for devadasis but inadequate to wife. Relationship between men and women need to be liberated from business. Ban prostitution, porn, projections of women as objects. A man need a woman and vice versa. The measurements, appearance etc of him or she is immaterial. Why a man and women love each other is based on different aspects. Once you are lovers give joy and pleasure between each other the way it is possible decently. What is decent is a big question. But a very open discussion is needed based on health and values. It is the Indian women and men who is going to benefit from such a discussion.
Disgusted White Girl I am sure that the relationship between you and your Indian friend is like this. My point is physical relationship between men and women need to be discussed openly to codify what is to practise and what is to avoid. Consumerism of western world in man-women relation ship should be checked.
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